The first in a series about toddler brilliance.

What is it about young kids being so much better than adults at so many things? They are masters of living in the present, staying curious, celebrating the small things, and genuinely belly-laughing. They believe deeply in their abilities- “No, mom, I do it myself”- until they know they can’t (or fall a few times trying). And then they do what so many of us, myself included at times, are so loathe to do.

They say: “I need help.”

What is it about asking for help that feels so, in toddler speak, icky?

Because I’ll be a burden…

“This person definitely doesn’t have time to talk to me. Why would they give me the time of day? They’ll be so annoyed I asked.”

Despite this concern, I must say, people LOVE to help. They do- just think about it. When was the last time you lugged a suitcase up steps for a stranger? How’d you feel after? Like the superhero you are? Thought so.

And studies back this up- when people offer help, they live longer, are happier, and feel physically and emotionally better. You’re giving them a chance to flex their expert muscle they so love to flex! After all, Abraham Lincoln said, “The most altruistic man is the most selfish.”

Because I’ll look bad…

A lot of us believe we always need to look the expert and that asking for help creates distrust in our abilities. According to adult development theory, a large number of adults find meaning in the world by being an expert or an achiever, which means the companies we work in very likely have “expert” cultures, too.

Further, Americans, on average, believe caregiving is primarily the responsibility of parents; unlike our peers in other cultures, we’re not encouraged to depend on older generations, aunts/uncles, or even alloparents (those in our communities that can take on a parenting-like role). So it may feel weird, perhaps inappropriate, to ask your neighbor to watch your kid every Monday night while you take a yoga class. But we know from studies that those with alloparents around are happier and feel more successful in their parenting.

Because it takes too much time…

I, and all my clients, have said at some point: “It’s faster if I do it myself.” While that may be true in the immediate-term, delegation builds much needed long-term capacity for us AND capacity in others to lead.

I’ve also noticed bringing others in accelerates movement and builds a wider web. Just today, I was on the phone with an advisor seeking general advice on target-markets. She said, “Hold on,” opened her LinkedIn, and started sending messages to contacts who could be potential clients or support with information. This 30 minute investment in a conversation unlocked multiple connections I may never had found a way to. And take heart- this happens to me all the time.

Why I’m going to start acting more like a two year old:

The past year I’ve been on a focused mission to make work actually work -for parents, and for everyone. I believe so deeply in what I’m doing and its potential impact that I am channeling my inner two year old and asking for all the help.

And I know it’s scary. We may feel like amateurs, be uncomfortable in vulnerability, think that it will take too much time. Seeking help may butt up against some self-perceptions like “I’m an expert,” or “I’m an independent woman,” or what have you- self-perceptions that work for us sometimes, but in other times, may be getting in our way.

Perhaps the best thing to do is take a baby step or two in asking for help from people you know are likely to give an enthusiastic “yes!” Perhaps we can all get more comfortable with some easy wins.

In fact, I’ll make an offer- ask me for help. If I can do it, I will, and if I can’t, we’ll find another option.

So what’s sparking for you? We’d love to hear from you!