During this pandemic, clients have shared variations of “I feel weird but can’t place the emotion,” “I’m in and out of feeling ok and feeling helpless,” “I erupted at my partner/colleague/kid out of nowhere,” and “I’m noticing all my bad leadership habits are coming back.”

There are a few challenging things happening right now that may be getting in our way of showing up how we intend to. We have very basic needs that need to be met before we can perform, learn, and self-actualize, these being safety and security and connection, all of which are being threatened right now.

Additionally, in crises, our brains can get hijacked, limiting our rational brain response and over-delivering on emotion and pre-programed habits, some of which may not serve our intended leadership.

In these moments, it’s also in our human nature to pick an enemy, someone to blame- it’s how we try to exercise control when our external world is spinning. Perhaps your frustration is directed at your partner who isn’t pulling their domestic weight. Or at governmental leaders. Or perhaps this is coming up at work, with employees angry at managers or managers overwhelmed by employee requests. Whatever the domain, we can feel a bit of “us versus them” creeping in.

If you’re noticing any of these trends in yourself or your workplace: 

1) Consider leaning into your empathy- for yourself and for others. Try to remember 1) we are all humans doing the best we can with what we have and 2) we are all in this together. Perhaps extending an unusual amount of grace in this unusual time – and asking for what we need- will help us to collaborate and thrive.

2) Name and understand the thoughts and feelings coming up, address them, and get intentional about choosing a new way of being. As Fred Rogers said, “What is mentionable is manageable.” Own and honor the feeling, then consider one of our favorite questions: “Who is the best version of myself that I can summon at this moment? Who would I be proud of being once I get through this moment?”

Stephen Covey, in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, wrote: “Between stimulus and response there is space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

What’s sparking for you? What will you choose?